


Sielvartas

by sunshine_and_symphonies



Series: Symposium [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Badass Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Childhood Friends, Chloé Bourgeois Redemption, Damian Wayne WILL Return, Everyone gets some hugs eventually, F/M, Gen, Good Parents Sabine Cheng & Tom Dupain, Grief/Mourning, Guardian Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Hurt Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Lightly Implied/Referenced Xenophobia, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Protective Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Protective Chloé Bourgeois, Team as Family, The Wayne's Need a Hug, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29982300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshine_and_symphonies/pseuds/sunshine_and_symphonies
Summary: The Lithuanian term "Silvartas" can only be described as "soul tumbling", caused by grief and resentment. After Marinette bolted from the classroom, her friends and family know that something within the girl has irrevocably changed. Trapped in the most volatile city of the world, where emotions make you a terrorist's puppet, how is one supposed to grieve?Ladybug, the Heroine of Paris, cannot afford be akumatized - Marinette knows this. But she cannot escape the crumbling pieces of her heart as the reality of her loss and betrayal truly sets in.In which Marinette cannot stop stumbling and falling, despite the support of her loved ones.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Chloé Bourgeois & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Kagami Tsurugi, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Lê Chiến Kim, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Nino Lahiffe, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Damian Wayne
Series: Symposium [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162280
Comments: 75
Kudos: 79





	1. Act One, Scene One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Hello!
> 
> Welcome back to those who have been here before, and a very warm welcome to those who are new! Let me start by thanking you for taking the time to read this work - it really means the most to me! I had never expected such a positive reaction or large response when I started to publish this series, and it still leaves me floored. Really and truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
> 
> For those who are new, I would recommend starting at the beginning of the series, as it may provide some insight as to the contents of this work. That said, how you prefer to read works is your prerogative, and I'm thrilled to have you here either way!
> 
> Hey, did you notice the chapter count? Like I said before, this is going to be a rather long work, and will span over several weeks; it is not the final work, however! There are at least two more to go - one of which will contain the final instalment of this series. However, if you have something that you would like some further exploration in (eg: The Wayne's reaction to the conversation, which became Kaamos), just let me know! I'm compiling a rather... ahem, lengthy document of my various ideas and snippets that I want to look at in this series. Just drop me a comment as it pops up and I'll make a note!
> 
> A few last house keeping notes: the tags will slowly get updated as we go, simply because I do not want to give everything away quite yet. The chapter length will also be shorter compared to Symposim and Yuanfen, but the trade off is more chapters. There is some French swearing in this chapter, and likely in many chapters to follow, so just be mindful of that, okay? And, as always, if there was something I neglected to tag or give warnings for at any point, PLEASE let me know so I can make the needed adjustments! Let's make sure that everyone can enjoy this safely! Go team!
> 
> That's it here! Enjoy!

When Nino was seven his parents moved them to France. He still could remember the unique mix of excitement and masked terror that was exiting the plane from the warm Morrocan sun into the grey rain of Paris. The shouts of people in a language he barely understood frightened him for weeks, and dread at the thought of attending school entirely in this language pooled in the day’s leading up to it. When his father had dropped him off at the _École,_ Nino couldn’t help clutching onto his _baba’s_ shirt as tears began to blur his vision.

He had then met Marinette.

The Dupain-Chengs had walked up to the doors, their girl between them as she swung both hands in tandem. She had been wearing all pink, her hair in a tidy braid down her back and chattering on to her _papa_ about something in a messy blend of French and English. When she had spotted him, her face had lit up and she had bounded over to him.

_“Bonjour! Je m’appelle Marinette, et je crois que nous sommes au même niveau!”_

Nino could only blink at this bubbly girl who didn’t look at him as something _other._ He had haltingly introduced himself as her parents greeted his father. When the bell rang, Marinette had grabbed his hand and dragged him into the school, babbling excitedly in French. Entering into the classroom made him stumble as twelve sets of eyes locked onto him. He could feel their judgement and naked curiosity like an oily film, and without meaning to, Nino shrunk back.

Only for Marinette to introduce him to everyone and practically burn away the sensation with the sheer force of her enthusiasm. The tiny girl was a force of nature, and she stayed with him the entire day, chatting with him and gently, so gently, correcting his French when he stuttered over a word. She asked him questions about Arabic and Morocco, and what he enjoyed the most about Paris so far. Nothing she said was ever laced with anything other than open curiosity and warmth. When the day had ended, her parents had invited him and his family over for some welcoming pastries from their bakery, and Marniette had given him a hand-made bracelet with a quiet whisper that it was supposed to bring him luck.

They had been friends ever since, Marinette listening to him with burning intensity as he began to open up to her about his love for music and remixes. She had helped him up when he had stumbled, beat back anyone who would look at him strangely with fiery words and a smile, gave him the tools to carve out a spot in the class. Marinette had been the one to introduce him to Kim, whom she had also seemingly adopted a few years ago when he arrived from Vietnam. The trio had been stuck at the hip for years after that, their parents jokingly calling them “The Three Musketeeers.” Despite their appearances, Marinette had been the one to concoct the pranks and schemes that they had filled their summers with. Whenever she and the Dupain-Chengs would close the bakery for a few weeks in late August to go see family in the United States, Marinette would always return with a small souvenir for her best friends.

Nino couldn’t recall a single moment where Marinette hadn’t been quick to smile or help out. Most people couldn’t. Which is why, a week after she had bolted from the classroom in breathless panic, everything seemed to stop as the girl in question walked in. Rather than her usual pink designs, she was wearing black and navy. Her hair wasn’t in her signature pigtails, and everything about her seemed to be wrapped in a blanket of grief and misery. She had sat in her usual seat, quietly answering Alya’s prodding questions and steering the conversation away from herself. Bright, bubbly, exuberant Marinette was quiet and withdrawn the entire day, and not even _Adrian’s_ questions could evoke a further reaction.

Nino watched his oldest friend as she left after school, and wondered what had fractured her world so thoroughly to leave this shell behind. He knew that she was close with her American family, and that they lived in Gotham, the center of Crime on the Eastern Seaboard. Perhaps someone had gotten caught in an attack.

Kim sidled up to him, “I’m worried about her.”

When Nino looked at the other boy, he could worry lines around the creases of his eyes. His normal exuberance and posturing reigned in, despite Alix’s egging him on earlier today. It was a side of the athletic boy that not many ever saw, but the side that Nino was familiar with. With the three of them, there was no need for bravado or fronts, just simple, unashamed acceptance of the other person.

“I know,” Nino offered, his eyes losing the noirette's retreating form.

“I went to the _patisserie_ this weekend to see if she wanted to come watch a race I was running, but _Mme._ Cheng told me that she wasn’t feeling well. I don’t think that’s the entire story.”

Nino nodded, pulling his cap off and scratching an itchy spot before tugging it back on. “I think something may have happened with her family in the US.”

“The one in Gotham?” Kim’s brow furrows. “I think I read that there was an attack with a few civilian casualties. Do you think that…”

“It's something to consider.”

“Shit, the poor DC’s.” Kim mutters. “What are we going to do?”

Nino looks at his counterpart. “I don’t know if there is anything we can do other than try and catch her.”

Kim’s phone starts to ring, an energetic K-Pop song that Alix had introduced him to floating through the air. The boy takes it with a frown, looking at Nino.

“Hello?”

“Hello Kim,” Sabine Cheng’s voice is tinny and tired through the crappy speakers. “Do you have a moment?”

“Of course, _Mme_. Cheng. Nino is here as well, if that’s alright?”

“You can just call me Sabine, dear, and that is actually perfect. I was going to call him next.”

The two boys move over to the stairs leading to their school as Kim sets the phone on speaker. “You’re on speaker, _Mme._ Cheng.”

“Hey _Mme._ C, what can we do for you?”

“I have no doubt that you noticed something was off with Marinette today, and I wanted to tell you two before the rumors started. It’s… not the most pleasant, but I think that our girl is going to need some support to avoid akumatization.”

“‘Course, _Mme._ C.” Nino offers hesitantly.

There's a tired sigh and a quick murmur in Chinese on the other side before Sabine’s voice begins to explain the circumstances. Both boys are struck silent at the realization that Marientte has lost her absolute best friend and was lied to by his family for _two weeks_ around his death. Kim can see Nino start to do some breathing exercises to process his emotions without the risk of attracting an akuma. He mimics him after a moment of silence, feeling the sorrow and hurt at what his sister-friend is going through. It is no wonder that her brightness is turned down, no wonder that she withdraws within herself when the knowledge that her closest confidant will never speak with her again lingers in her periferey.

“Kim? Nino?” Sabine’s voice is equally tired, equally gutted. No doubt dealing with her own grief and anger. “Are you boys alright?”

Of course _Mme._ Cheng is checking if they are alright. The Dupain-Cheng’s were nothing but kind and compassionate, regardless of the circumstances. They were nearly impossible to anger, and gave freely, without expectations to anyone who needed it. There had been several times when one of Marinette’s classmates had forgotten their lunch and the family had simply set another place for them. Kim had gone to the bakery after a particularly bad fight with his parents, hurt and scared, and Tom had simply pressed a fresh _eclair_ in his hands and ushered him upstairs into the warm household to process. Nino had practically lived there for the three weeks it had taken his parents to find a suitable daycare during summer vacation. Every single person who crossed the Dupain-Cheng’s path left with an encouraging word, a warm hug, or a small gift. Adrian had coined that Marinette was their every-day Ladybug, and the name had stuck despite the girl's protests. For _Mme._ Bustier’s class, it was a universal fact that Dupain-Cheng’s were the unofficial emergency contacts for any situation. Even in the midst of their grief and anger, the Dupain-Cheng’s were still trying to help others.

“We’ll be okay, _Mme._ Cheng,” Kim replied after a moment. “Are you alright?”

“Let me worry about that, kiddo. All I need right now is for you to explain the circumstances to your classmates so that Marinette doesn’t get overwhelmed. Tom and I weren’t sure that she should even go back to _Dupont_ this week, but she insisted.”

“For sure, _Mme._ C. We’ll let ‘em know. Is there something we can do for any of you?”

Sabine was quiet for a few moments, thinking. “All we need right now is a little bit of space, but I think that this weekend would be good if you both came over. Marinette could use some time with her other two Musketeers, I think.”

“We’ll ask our parents, _Mme._ C,” Nino promised.

Kim nodded, looking at Nino, “And we’ll also look after the class. You can count on us, _Mme._ Cheng.”

“Just Sabine is fine, boys.” The older woman’s voice was warm despite what she had shared. “And please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need something, okay?”

“You too, _Mme._ C. I know that both of our families would be there to help in a heartbeat.”

“Thank you, Nino, Kim. You’re good friends.”

The line clicked shut, and the boys stared at each other in mute silence for a few minutes as the gravity of what they had been told set in.

\----

Today 16:01

**_DJNino Created This Group_ **

**_DJNino has named this group “DC’s Need Our Support”_ **

**_DJNino has Made #1Kim an Admin_ **

**DJNino:** _hey we just got news from the DC’s about what’s up with mari_

 **Rosie:** _should’t we put Marinette in here so she can tell us?_

 **#1Kim:** _mme cheng said we should tell you_

 **Nino:** _also its not a good thing so yall need to remember your anti-akuma practices k?_

 **Alix-is-the-Best:** _holy crap who died_

 **#1Kim:** _Marinette’s best friend in Gotham who she met when she was five_

 **Alix-is-the-Best:** _p u t a i n_

 **Rosie:** _!!! Oh no poor mari!!!_

 **Jules:** _poor dc._

 **Myleneee:** _…_

 **Eye-Van:** _…….._

 **Nath-ART-il:** _that is aweful_

 **Alix-is-the-Best:** _I swear i did not mean it. bordel de merde_

 **Aly-the-Blogger:** _omd no wonder mari was off today_

 **Adrian A.:** _This must be so hard for the whole family._

 **TechnoMax:** _Affirmative. @DJNino, what did Mme. C say?_

 **DJNino:** _wait guys it gets worse_

 **Alix-is-the-Best:** _how does it get WORSE_

 **#1Kim:** _his family lied to the dc’s about his death for two weeks._

 **Rosie:** _FTG_

 **Jules:** _!!! ROSE_

 **Myleneee:** _^^_

 **Eye-Van:** _that is awful_

 **Aly-the-Blogger:** _you have to be joking_

 **Adrian A.:** _Why would they do such a thing that is… I can’t even imagine._

 **TechnoMax:** _Human error cannot be accounted for._

 **DJNino:** _look it would be easier to discuss this in person. can everyone meet at the usual park tomorrow at 15:40?_

 **Alix-is-the-Best:** _ill be there_

 **TechnoMax:** _As will I_

 **Jules:** _^^_

 **Rosie:** _^^^_

 **Myleneee:** _Ivan and I will be there 2_

 **Aly-the-Blogger:** _should we go see mari now?_

 **#1Kim:** _no, mme C was pretty strong about that. just meet up tomorrow._

 **Adrian A.:** _I’ll see if I can get Nathalie to change my schedule._

 **Nath-ART-il:** _tmrw at 1540_

 **Aly-the-Blogger:** _k ill be there_

 **DJNino:** _be careful about akumas dudes. dont forget what weve been working on._

 **#1Kim:** _^^_

\----

The rest of the week is quiet. After a solemn meeting in the park, a long discussion and several bullet points being shared in the new group chat, Marinette’s class were prepared to subtly look after their class representative. Kim and Alix were running Chloé interference, Rose and Max were copying their notes out from last week to help catch Marinette up, Alya and Mylene were working with Mme. Bustier to lighten Marinette’s additional work. Surprisingly, Ivan and Julka were on “Marinette Watch”, as the class called it: they watched for any potential akumas that were attracted to Marientte so they could tell Ladybug as quickly as possible. Nathaniel was Marinette’s silent companion, sitting with her during meals and simply being another presence. The boy had slowly gotten over his crush when he had met Marc, and the two artists had naturally gravitated towards each other afterwards. When Nino pulled Sabrina aside, telling her what had happened quietly, the girl had wanted to help as she understood what it was to lose someone. So, between him, Adrian, and Sabrina, they were working on different things that the class could do to help out the Dupain-Cheng family.

Overnight bag packed and a container of his mothers _tajine_ in hand, Nino braced himself for tonight's sleepover. Kim was next to him, looking equally concerned, a cooler bag slung over his shoulder. They had both agreed to bring one of Marinette's favourite foods as an initial offering. Swallowing, Kim knocked on the private entrance to the Dupain-Cheng house.

The door drew open, revealing the broad form of M. Dupain. His smile was dimmed slightly, but no less warm. “There are the other Musketeers. Come on in.”

“Thanks, _M._ Dupain. We uh-” Nino glanced at Kim, “we brought you dudes some food.”

“That’s really kind of you. You can set that in the kitchen and head on up to Marientte’s room.” The baker paused. “You might need to set up the air mattress still, but Marinette knows where it is.”

“For sure _M._ Dupain. Thanks for having us.”

Tom smiled, “Thank you for coming. It’s not an… easy time right now.”

Kim nodded, “My dad wanted me to pass on that he’ll be popping by with some more food for you guys soon. Oh, and that you just give him a call if you need something.”

“Same thing from my mom _M_. DC. She uh, I think she was planning on inviting you dudes over for dinner soon but she’ll probably call you.”

“Thank’s boys. You head on up and I’ll look after the food.”

The pair left with a quick wave and climbed the stairs to Marinette’s room. Kim knocked their old pattern before pushing the trap-door open. Nino could hear his intake of breath and he looked at the room before climbing into it, letting Nino follow suit.

Marinette’s disarrayed room was impeccably neat. Rather than her usual haphazard arrangement of books and papers, her desk had been organized like something out of a magazine. The books were lined up by height, her drawings tucked into a tidy file-rack that normally was half filled with papers stacked on top. Instead of the work-in-progress she had last sent a picture of, a beautiful pink pantsuit that she had been pinning in place, the dress form was bare save for an old necklace. The pillows on her chaise were perfectly plumped and arranged, a cream throw over the back of it. Despite the clear evidence of Marinette’s stress-cleaning, the real shocking change was the lack of art on the walls.

Nino could remember as her walls had filled up over the past few years with postcards and doodles that her cousins in Gotham had sent. She had eventually made an entire collage on a single wall that went from rafters to floors with the sheer number of things she had, the various places and pictures showing snippets of a life overseas. Overtop of her desk used to sit a collection of drawings that she had explained were from Inktober, now replaced with three crisp posters of various fashion icons. Instead of the framed contract that she had gotten a few years back and the Christmas card of an apple tree with robins, there was a large print of Monet’s _Woman with a Parasol_ . Jagged Stone’s _Rock Giant_ Album poster covered the wall that used to hold a full-family photo from one of her trips to Gotham. If he hadn’t just walked through the Dupain-Cheng’s house, Nino would have never believed that this was Marientte’s room.

“Dude,” Kim whispered. “This is worse than we thought.”

Nino nodded, “She hasn’t rearranged her room this much like… ever. She loved the Inktober drawings.”

 _“Merde_ _.”_ The Vietnamese boy dragged a hand through his hair and set his duffle bag down next to the chaise. “Pretty sure she’s on her balcony, or she would have said something.”

Nino dropped his bag and scrambled up the ladder towards the balcony. Sure enough, Marientte was leaning against the railing, looking out over the city skyline blankly and humming softly. Kim and Nino glanced at each other before silently agreeing on the best way to do this.

“Yo Mari,” Kim called as he pulled himself out, “Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to let me kick your ass at Ultimate Mecha?”

The girl startled, whipping around and flailing her arms to keep her balance. Kim yanked her into a hug to prevent her from falling off, quickly turning it to a noogie, and gently shoved her towards Nino.

“Oh _,_ is it that time already?” She asked as she gave Nino a quick hug. “I forgot to set up the air mattress too, _bordel_ _._ I’m really sorry guys I just… lost track of time I guess.”

She gave a weak laugh to punctate her explanation before dropping back into her room and beginning to rummage around for the bedding she needed. The boys dropped down from behind her after closing the skylight, pulling some things out of their bags.

“We also brought food for you, dudette,” Nino offered as he looked for his speaker. “I brought the Moroccan stew I know you love, and Kim brought _Phō,_ I think?”

“My dad’s special recipe, he simmered the broth all day so it's going to be amazing, just like the person who brought it.”

Nino shoved Kim slightly, “Says the person who nearly dropped it on the metro _._ ”

The other boy grinned unrepentantly, pulling his controller out and shucking off his hoodie. His eyes caught on a wide swath of pale pink fabric under the _chaise_ _,_ and he tugged it out gently.

“Hey DC, I don’t think that you want to leave your signature colour on the floor, since it would-”

Kim’s teasing faded when his eyes landed on Marinette’s frozen body, her eyes locked on the large piece of fabric he gripped. Her eyes were wide and glassy for a moment before she snatched it out of his hands and quickly slipped it into a box at the back of her closet. She breathed out a long, controlled breath and dropped the air mattress box onto the chaise before following it. Both Nino and Kim saw her switch to the anti-akuma breathing patterns that she had campaigned to be taught at the school. With a worried glance, the boys sat down next to her, Kim pulling her into his side and Nino placing his hand on her leg.

They were all silent for a few moments before Marinette broke the silence. “Sorry it’s just… it’s a lot of memories.”

“Dudette, you literally have nothing to apologize for,” Nino offered. “It’s chill. You do what you need to do.”

Kim followed Nino, his voice rumbling up her side. “Seriously, Nettie. We’re just here to help with what you need and to punch any akuma’s that show up. You want a distraction? I brought over the new _Zelda_ game to play and Nino has some sick new jams that we can dance to. Need a shoulder to cry on? I don’t work out this much for nothing, and I have more shirts. Want to talk? We can just pile onto the floor and ponder the meaning of the universe or whatever else you want.”

Marinette was quiet for a few moments longer, her breath hitching here and there. Nino and Kim leaned into her, the latter resting his head on top of the petite girls. It was moments like this that they remembered she was human, that this infallible pillar of love and light to so many had her own struggles. Kim knew that he was no substitute for a friendship that was older and stronger than most people could hope for, but he was not about to let his _em gái_ hide away forever.

“I think,” Marinette whispered, “a distraction sounds nice.”

For the rest of the night, Kim and Nino distract their fearless leader. Nino puts on the playlist he and Marinette had made a few summers ago, that she had forbidden him from titling “Mari’s All-Time Bangers”, despite the fact she had done most of the creating. Kim drags Marinette up to dance for a bit, singing horribly off key to “Mr. Brightside” as Nino catches a video for his clip of the day. Slowly, the stiff clench of her shoulders lessens and she begins to rib them ever so gently. They play Ultimate Mecha strike as they split bowls of _Phō_ and and _Tajine,_ and Marientte’s smile peeks out as she trounces Kim for the eighth time. Her parents bring up a selection of day-old pastries that didn’t sell as the boys poorly plan out different pranks they could run for April Fools and Marinette scoffs before offering subtle changes to fix things.

When they finally stagger up to bed, the moon already well on her voyage across the sky, Marinette forgoes climbing into her loft to flop between two of her oldest friends. Kim snorts, seeing that the air mattress won’t hold them all, and gently shuffles her up to the loft before crawling in next to her. Nino follows a moment later, after turning off the lights around the room, and brackets her on the other side. Within moments Marinette is fast asleep. Her hair spills out of the hoodie she stole from Kim, brushing against her sleeved hands.

Nino meets Kim’s eyes with a grin as he pulls off his glasses and sets them on a ledge. “Just like old times, hey?”

 _“Dieu,_ hopefully we don’t have the return of the cuddle monster that was eight-year-old Marinette.”

Nino snorts, settling into their familiar cuddle-puddle set up. Kim kicks one of his feet out from under the blankets like the heathen he is. Marinette’s breathing is slow and even, sleep softens the tightness around her eyes and hesitant smiles, and the quiet noises of the Parisian night hums up from the street. The boys look at the sky from the skylight, tracking the clouds as sleep curls around them. 

There is no fixing this, the boys know, but this is a start.


	2. Act One, Scene Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug has changed in many ways since he found her on Notre Dame. Adrian would like to get a better understanding of why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE, DOUBLE UPDATE!
> 
> It's my birthday today! I am officially one year older, and I wanted to give all of you lovely readers a gift to celebrate. So, without further ado - the next chapter!
> 
> Enjoy! I love you!

When Adrian had felt Plagg nip his wrist after Marinette had run out that day, he knew that something was fundamentally shifting. He had darted out the moment the bell rang and transformed, a growing sense of unrest bubbling in his chest, before vaulting across the Parisian skyline to check for Akuma’s. Instinct had him traveling towards the Eiffel Tower. He landed on the usual meeting spot, scanning the skyline for something to indicate unrest, when his baton trilled.

Ladybug was moving, and she was moving _fast._

Racing after her, he caught sight of the tiny black butterfly that meant no good trailing after her. Panic lodged in his throat and he dove for the akuma as he called for a Cataclysm, the butterfly dissolving under his touch, before ducking onto a roof to feed Plagg. His usually gluttonous Kwami was solemn and gulped down the offered camembert with no words before nodding to Adrian. When he caught up to her, Ladybug tearing through the sky faster than he had ever seen and dressed in a different costume, he had tackled her to the roof of Notre Dame, double checking that this wasn’t an Amok or Akuma, before dragging her into the bell towers. He could feel damp tears despite the magically-enhanced fabric surrounding him. Not knowing what else to do, he pulled her into a bruising hug before glancing down. She didn’t even recognize him, her eyes a maelstrom of grief and pain and brokenness. Ladybug called him by an unfamiliar name, and he knows that this was the turning point as he tells her otherwise. In a frozen moment she would pause, catch sight of her new costume in one of the bells nearby, before losing a scream raw enough to bring tears to his eyes.

There was nothing he could do other than hold her as she splintered under the weight of a burden strong enough to break the iron-spine she was known for. Adrian often forgets that they were _children_ when they received their Miraculous, as six months of flying blind and horrors easily forgotten by all but them thrust them into the world of adulthood unceremoniously. They lost their chance to ignore the weights of responsibility and duty that age brings, to luxuriate in easy pranks and lazy summer afternoons. He loves being Chat Noir despite the pain and burden it brings to him some days, but he is not envious of Ladybug any further. She had disclosed to him, one night after a particularly long patrol, the crushing responsibility that the current Guardian was putting on her, for she was the only person who could reverse the damage and prevent Hawkmoth from gaining the upper hand. He knew that there were things that she wasn’t telling him, secrets she buried deep enough so as to ignore their pain and prevent becoming a target. And although he knew that she said he was her partner, her equal in the ways that mattered and her counterpart in the ways needed, he also understood that he was the more expendable one in a battle. However, in the moments when Ladybug could no longer handle the weight of the life she had been chosen for, could no longer stand being the Atlas of Paris, Adrian knew that it was his job to coax and tease and hold his Lady so that she could breathe if only for a moment. That his banter helped to draw her out of spiraling contingency plans and that his puns, however she protested them, reminded her that she could laugh. Ladybug seemed to have slipped so easily into her role as a leader, a strategist, a comforter, that Adrian forgets she is a similar age to him most days. She has always seemed much older and wiser than the meger fourteen years he had. But in this moment, as he holds the unbreakable protector of Paris in his arms as he purrs in a desperate attempt to ease her pain, Adrian cannot help but mourn for the childhood that she had lost.

Which is why, a few days later after he had held her as she drowned under a misery too personal to share, he sits quietly next to her on the Eiffel Tower and asks what he can do to help. When Ladybug had quietly asked him to cover her patrols for a week or two, he had taken it with a grin and flirty quip that he always loved a moonlight stroll. She had given him a tight smile, her eyes still shuttered and a prenatural stillness about her before pressing a soft kiss to his cheek in thanks. And while he knew that she had a love across the ocean that she was waiting to confess to, he couldn’t stop the soft rumble that had floated out of him at the affectionate contact. He had kept a close watch on the Dupain-Cheng bakery, mindful of the last time that he had seen Marinette. If the protector of Paris needed a break to simply _be_ , he could provide that.

Of course, Hawkmoth had other plans for him.

The Akuma alert was released late in the evening, a destruction based, class-three problem, and Adrian bolted from his house to get to the center of the action. Ladybug was already there, the cape-like wings of her forgin costume humming in response to her movements. Plagg had explained to him, when he had asked, how the suits could change depending on the events of a holder's life. The cantankerous god hadn’t said more on the matter when Adrian had pressed for why Ladybugs suit had changed the way it had. It had left Adrian with a dozen questions he couldn’t ask and a large dose of concern for his now extremely stoic partner.

“Well, My Lady, no rest for the weary. Although this cat is _purr-_ fectly happy to see you.”

Ladybug turned to him, smiling slightly, “Good evening Chat. I believe the akuma is trapped in the staff it is holding.”

He blinked, both in surprise to the unfamiliar mask and to the quick, no-nonsense delivery of the information. Normally Ladybug would roll her eyes and boop him on the nose for such a pun. His concern deepened, and he knew that there was no more putting off the conversation that had hung between them for the past few weeks. The fight was short, Ladybug calling the shots crisply and tangling the Akuma in her yoyo. One lucky charm in the shape of a flower petal and a Cataclysm later, Ladybug was comforting the apologetic victim. Chat watched from a distance, cataloguing the things that he had seen. Ladybug had been direct and brisk, almost more aggressive, unlike their usual fights. Every strike of her yoyo, the different flips to avoid any attacks, had been crisply executed and calculated. She had taken a few hits that were meant for him, spinning him around and grunting as the suit took the damage. It was almost as though she had no regard for her own safety, instead wholly focused on finishing the battle as quickly as possible. Chat walked over and began to help the woman up as she cried softly. Ladybug gave a gentle hug to the victim before pulling away and whispering some encouragement. Her earrings beeped, down to the last two spots, and she gently passed the crying woman to Chat so he could bring her home. Before Ladybug could dart off, he grabbed her wrist and met her eyes, willing himself to be gentle.

“Can you meet at our usual spot in 20 minutes?”

She nodded, the same stillness that she often had after battle amplified thanks to adrenaline, and zipped away. He brought the akuma victim home, smiling at them and reminding them it wasn’t their fault. After a few more words of comfort, his ring trilled to remind him he was down to his last pawprint and he vaulted up to a rooftop to detransform.

“Well, kit, if the fights are going to be like that maybe things are for the best!” Plagg began as he zipped out of the ring and Adrian offered him a piece of cheese.

“I don’t think so, Plagg.” The blonde looked at the darkening sky, counting the stars that began to peek out. “I think that she’s trying to get hit. I think that she’s being dangerous.”

“Like you aren’t, Mr. _I will be mind-controlled by an akuma so you won’t?”_

“That’s different,” Adrian snapped. “Ladybug is not the expendable one, I am. Her cure is far more important than my Cataclysm.”

The tiny cat-like god zipped up to his face, eyes narrowed. “How about you’re both equally important, kitten. Ladybug can’t exist without her Chat Noir.”

“Sure she could, it’s not like I do much beyond break things and get hit.”

“It’s not about that, it's about _balance._ ” Plagg hissed. “How many times do I need to remind you that creation cannot exist without destruction?”

“And the destruction caused by Akuma’s isn’t enough?” Adrian retorted.

“ _Adrian,_ ” Plagg’s voice was sharp and tempered by the eons of his lifespan. “Don’t start this again or I _will_ tell Ladybug.”

The boy in question glanced at his watch, “She doesn’t need my silly concerns on her plate.”

It was an old point between them. When Plagg had explained that his role was more suited to that of a protector after the initial battle, and after the few times when he had been rendered ineffective by the Akuma’s attacks only to come to with Ladybug having finished the battle, he had slowly begun to understand that “protector” could also mean “shield”. That was why he was the first one into battle and happy to cause any distractions at the risk of his own wellbeing, because of the two of them, Ladybug was far more competent and efficient. Plagg had told him multiple times after he had let this slip that they were _equally important_ for the balance and defeat of their opponent. Adrian had almost told Ladybug his fears, this deep rooted insecurity at his inability to protect her without becoming useless to her, only for her to quietly reveal that she was nearly drowning under the weight of learning about the Guardianship, as was befitting of a Ladybug holder. He hadn’t wanted to add more onto her already overflowing plate, so he had kept it to himself and done what he could to help ease her burden.

Plagg swallowed his last bite, eyes flashing as he opened his mouth. Before the Kwami could reply, Adrian called for his transformation and jumped towards the Eiffel Tower. Ladybug was sitting on their usual beam, her legs swinging gently as she watched the skyline. Once she spotted him, she climbed up to her feet and slid an artificial smirk onto her face.

“What did you need, _chaton?_ Some late night pun practice?” Her voice was just shy of teasing.

He sat down, patting the spot of the beam next to him. “Nope, my puns are _paw-_ sitivily flawless. I wanted to see how you were doing.”

She sat down next to him, turning to face him and propping a single combat-booted foot on the beam. “I’m… managing.”

“You see, I don’t think you are, bugaboo. You were pulling some pretty risky moves to protect me when I’m supposed to be doing that for you.”

_“Don’t_ say that, _chaton,_ ” she snapped, the heat in her voice surprising him. “ _Dieu._ You are not supposed to only protect me, I am also supposed to protect you.”

“Then what was going on, Ladybug? The last time I saw you, you were almost _akumatized_.” He met her eyes, face still. “What happened to you?”

“Too personal.”

He pinched his nose, the claws of his gloves scratching across his mask. “Can you just… no identifying information, basics only.”

She was silent for a while, staring out across the city they had sworn to protect. “Do you… do you remember the person I was waiting to confess to?”

“The one across the ocean? Of course.”

“They’re dead.”

Adrian sucked in a breath at the blunt delivery, warning bells going off in his mind. Something in her tone made him brace for another blow. “Is that why you called me by the unfamiliar name?”

She nodded, not meeting his eyes, shoulders drawing up to her ears.

“That’s not all, is it?” He pushes slightly.

“Their family didn’t inform me. I found out in the news.”

He’s moving before he even realizes it, pulling her into another tight hug. She slumps into him, her shoulders shaking as she tries to avoid crying, and he starts to purr. How does one even respond to that? He recalls her telling him how painfully shy her crush was, how hesitant they were in regards to reaching out and asking for help thanks to their upbringing. Adrian had toyed with the idea that she had been talking about his civilian person more than once until she disclosed they were across the sea. In the months after that revelation, Adrian had eventually moved on from his crush on her and the pair had developed a close friendship.

“I’m so sorry _bugaboo,_ ” He whispers into her hair, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why didn’t they _tell_ me Chat?” She cries out brokenly. “Why?”

Adrian thinks back to what his therapist had told him after his mother had gone missing and his father had nearly put him under house arrest. “People cannot always make good choices with the information they have, and to those affected by grief, any choice is especially hard.”

They sit like this a moment longer, Adrian purring and humming a tune he recalls his mother using to sooth him, Ladybug hiding in his arms as her shudders peter out. By the time he’s finished the last stanza, Ladybug pulls out of his arms with a broken, stuttering sigh and looks at him intently.

“Chat,” she begins after a moment, and his ears flick back at her serious tone. “There is something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

A chill runs down his spine, and he can’t help but lock up like he does when his father calls him into his office unexpectedly. His cat-ears are now pinned to the back of his head and his tail is curling around him protectively.

Adrian can’t help how small his voice sounds, “Have I done something?”

Ladybug blinks before her skin washes pale, “ _Merde,_ no _chaton._ It’s nothing bad just… something I’m concerned about.”

He hums quietly, leaving the space for her to talk. Tension crackles under his skin as she looks at him again, the same intensity that he saw the first day when she proclaimed them the protectors of Paris.

“Chat, I need you to know how very important you are to me.”

When he goes to speak, a quip on his tongue to derail this conversation that he now realized Plagg had _predicted_ rather than threatened, she holds up a hand.

“Just… let me say this okay? I just lost someone very important to me and I will regret not telling him how important he was to me every day for the rest of my life.”

His jaw clicks shut at her admission, and she continues. “I’ve noticed that you are… reckless? It’s not quite the right word, but I’m worried about you. I know that the past few fights have been really hard, and that things have gone very wrong more than once, but that is _not on you._ We’re fighting a very tricky opponent, and we are _literally_ untrained children. So we’re going to mess up. But so long as I have you by my side at the end of the battle, I know that things are going to be okay.”

Her eyes are peeling back layers upon layers of old hurts, and he cannot help but remember why he first fell in love with her - it is moments like this, when he knows that she is hurting and yet she tries so hard to heal others first.

“You are the best partner I could ask for,” she murmurs after a second, and grabs his hand gently. “And I hate that you think that you are _expendable._ You’re not: not to me, not to Paris. After all, where would Ladybug be without her Chat Noir?”

She ends with a wry grin, eyes still soft despite the steel underneath them, and to his immense horror, his eyes begin to water.

He can feel the minute she begins to panic, “No, _non, non._ Oh Chat, please forgive me I did not mean to make you cry, I just-”

Adrian cuts her off by pulling her back into a hug, both of them shifting precariously as the force of his pull nearly moves them off the beam they are on. His throat unblocks after a few minutes, letting him suck in a cool breath of night air before he replies.

“Did Plagg tell you this?”

Her surprise ripples through him and she tightens her arms around him, “ _Non._ I was worried about you early on when you would… mask things under your smile. It was very convincing until I found where to look for the cracks. Truthfully, you reminded me a bit of the person across the ocean because-”

She cuts off, swallowing. “He did the same thing at first when he had to move suddenly. You have worth in your own right, _minou._ How long have you been feeling like this?”

“Don’t worry about it, LB”

“How about you let me decide whether or not to worry about it.”

He braces, his spine locking up, and quietly whispers out the truth. Her arms tighten again, squeezing the breath out of him as she murmurs time and time again that he is important to her, that she always hates when he gets hit during the fights, that every time he goes down she worries her cure will not be enough to bring him back. Everything she says is a balm to jagged edges he didn’t realize hurt until she smoothes them away. She smells slightly of baked bread and vanilla, he realizes, and the threads of some important conclusion tickle the back of his mind for a moment before he sinks deeper into her hug. The vibrations of her gently singing the melody that he had hummed to her ripple through him akin to a purr. In this moment Adrian feels safe, and cared for, and loved. He can’t remember the last time he felt such a way.

His ears pick up a few of the lyrics she’s singing as she starts the chorus again, _“Mes cher parents, je pars. Je vous aime mais je pars…”_

“Do you know the name of the song you are singing?”

Ladybug lets go, a look of surprise flashing across her face. “Do you not know it?”

At his blank stare, she smiles softly. “It’s called _Je Vole._ I was singing the version by _Louane.”_

“Oh.” He sits back up, swinging his legs as he looks out across the city sky. “ _Ma mère_ used to sing me that song. She loved it.”

She slides closer next to him, dropping her head on his shoulder. “It’s a very pretty song. I can understand why she would love it. Would… would you like me to sing it for you?”

He hums, and she takes it as acquiesce. Her voice is gentle, and wraps around them like a well loved blanket.The lights of the city are glowing now, glimmers of gold against a navy backdrop. By the time she is done, His head is resting on hers and their hands are entwined, both simply seeking the reassurance of another person’s warmth. 

“Chat, there is one more thing we need to discuss tonight. It’s about the Justice League.”

“Have they reached out?”

“Not yet, but I do not think that we should bring them into the city.”

“Okay,” He agrees easily.

She slaps his knee gently, “Don’t just agree because I think it. Your voice is equally important in this decision.”

“Ah, but here you are wrong. You are clearly the brains of this operation, who am I to undermine the no doubt thoroughly explained and rationalized proposal you have made.”

His quip gets the desired reaction, and she snorts. “Then at least do me the honor of hearing out the reasons.”

“As My Lady wishes.”

Ladybug lays out what she knows, explaining that she is certain the situation in Paris is now on Batman’s radar thanks to a past conversation with her family overseas. From what she tells him, it appears that the media restrictions that the Mayor had ordered were working. When she points out once again that many of the heroes on the Justice Leagues were metahumans and all had significantly more training than they did, he frowns until she emphasizes how dangerous it would be if one of the Justice League were to be akumatized. Understanding dawns then, and he presses into her side to stop the rest of her worried explanation, sensing that she has finished the majority of her prepared speech.

“Okay, My Lady. The reasons are sound and it’s clear that you have put significant thought into this. If you don’t want the Justice League to interfere, then I stand with you.”

“You are the best partner I could ask for, _minou._ ”

He bumps his head against her in an imitation of the cat he was named after. They sit quietly for a few more minutes before Ladybug yawns and slumps further into his side. Taking it as a sign, and seeing that the city is sleeping quietly, Chat gently tugs her up and presses a gentle kiss to her hand before ushering her off the tower. She gives him a quick kiss on his cheek, waving as her yoyo zips out and catches on something, pulling her towards wherever she lives. He watches until the red and black of her new cape fades into the darkness before returning back to his house. His room feel particularly cold in the wake of Ladybug's gentle affection and warmth, the looming shadows of the window frames casting bars across his floor. Plagg is unusually gentle with him, ribbing him less than he would and curling up on his collarbone as Adrian falls asleep.

In the night, he dreams of two sets of tired but warm blue eyes, one masked and one dusted with freckles, as the gentle strains of his mother’s lullaby echo around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, can you do something for me today, since it's my birthday? Can you give a hug to someone you love, in person if possible or digital otherwise? Or maybe send a text to someone important to you? That's all I really want - spreading more love into the world!
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! Check in with yourself - do you need water? Food? Have you taken a step outside or gotten away from your device for a few minutes? Are you up to date on your meds, or do you maybe need to pause to take them? What about a nap, or are you well rested? Please look after yourself, you are very important to me even if I'm only on the internet! I'm so proud of you for making it through another day, you're doing great hun'! I love you! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hello phenomenal human! How about we start with the translations for the French expletives, okay?
> 
> Putain: Directly translated means "whore", but it is used the same way "fuck" is in English.  
> OMD: Oh mon Dieu, which is just the French translation of "Oh my god"  
> Bordel de Merde: Similar to "Goddamnit"  
> FTG: Ferme ta gueule, which can be more or less translated to "shut the fuck up"  
> Merde: "holy shit", in the context used for this chapter!  
> Bordel: Literally means "brothel", but used similarly to "putain".
> 
> Now that that is out of the way, can we take a moment to do a quick check in? Have you eaten? Do you maybe need some water, or perhaps a nap? Can you take a step outside for me and breath some fresh air, or even just take a lap around your house to get out from behind the screen? Are your med's up to date? Have you said something nice to yourself? Look at you go! I'm so proud of you for getting through the day, however you need to do it. Remember, 5% is better than 0% and anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Okay? Okay!
> 
> I hope that you enjoyed the first chapter of this new work! Stay safe out there - I love you! <3


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